Live and Beauty After #23

After marrying #23, a series of events led to a lot of trauma, a lot of family court, and a lot of changes. Join me on my new journey as I practice wholehearted living as a survivor of domestic violence.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Troubled Waters

We went on our first vacation together last weekend. Remember how I told you how big of a Yankees fan Scott is? Well we went down to Spring Training camp in Tampa. Though I have been before Scott never had and we were both really excited about it. As with all vacations, I started planning months in advance with the gym and the diet and research.
Not quite two weeks before hand I was offered a great job. Lots of responsibility which came with a bigger paycheck than I’ve ever received. I quit my job, really excited for this new adventure, and our new income. The day before we left for vacation I woke up to an e-mail from my would-be boss saying she could no longer offer me a job. Wah waaaaaaaahhhhh. Not only do I no longer have a new job, but I don’t have a job at all. Thanks to my quitting unemployment isn’t an option either. Talk about a major downer for vacay! Scott assured me that we are going to be okay and to just try to relax and enjoy the vacation we both deserved.

Enjoy vacation I did. As for all of the money I was setting aside for vacation, I decided to leave it behind and spend my free time relaxing by the pool with a book instead. The forced leisure turned out to be wonderful. I’m a very active traveler and usually feel like I need a vacation from my vacation but this time I felt truly relaxed. We both had a marvelous time, on our own and together. The photos and smiles are infinite.

We arrive back from our tropical baseball wonderland and sadly have to head back to reality, a reality in which I have no job and Scott has to go back to work. Bummer. We had an errand to run before he went to work the next morning so I just dropped him off at his office in the city. By the time I got out of the Holland Tunnel I had received a message saying Scott had just lost his job. Are you f*$%ing kidding me? This can’t be for real, can it? Not even a week before I had lost my job and now this!?!? I thought the times were supposed to be improving? I turned back around to pick him up and away went our vacation euphoria.

It has not been a week and things are getting rough. They say the stress a job loss puts on a household is similar to a death in the family, in our case it was a double homicide. Not only are we both out of work and the financial disaster that looms in the future is terrifying, but we now spend 24 hours a day together. We are both trying to do our own thing and getting in one another’s way. We are both on edge with worry and uncertainty. After only a week it is really difficult.

What are we supposed to do? How to do we keep from killing each other? How do we prevent the flame from flickering to its end? And how do we follow through on the adoption of a dog right now?