The Young’n
Height: 5’11
Age: 26
Met: Online
A young Larry Bird, without the height
I have daddy issues. Or I used to. The first man I ever loved was 26 years older than me. As I get older the men seem to be getting younger. Take into account all of the men I have loved or dated, the average age is 44. This makes The Ramone, at 43, a sensible 15 years older, I think. Even in high school, one of the youngest freshmen, I took the oldest senior to our Sadie Hawkins dance. I’ve gone out with one man in his 20s, prior to the FratRat, and it wasn’t pretty. He was still 4 years older than me. I decided it was time to try a younger man on for size.
The Young’n contacted me online and instantly made me feel old, the subject being “well hello there ma’am”. I detest being called “ma’am”, but read anyway. Nothing offensive. So we decided to meet for coffee on Friday afternoon at 3:00. He had wanted to grab lunch but I had a previous appointment. A perfect day, I suggested we head to the marina, my favorite spot. My favorite thing about living near the Hudson River in Jersey is that when I go spend and afternoon by the water I get to look at the Manhattan skyline, which is far more interesting than that of New Jersey! Around 2:30 I got an e-mail asking if we could push back to 4. I was kind of irritated as I had planned my day accordingly and this would mean I’d have to go to an afternoon date ready for an evening date. I suppose that is what I get for booking back to back dates! I reconfigure the outfit choice and head to the marina.
Having not had any coffee yet for the day, I don’t wait for the Young’n to arrive. I go inside and order my coffee, then take it with me to the bench in front of the coffee shop. I sit for awhile and do one of my favorite things, people watch, taking in the sights and sounds of a Friday afternoon. It’s probably 4:15 by now so I pull out my CrackBerry to see if I have any new messages. Not so much as a “you’ve been outbid” e-mail from eBay. Hmmmm. It’s a beautiful day though, so I’m not going to let his tardiness get to me. Instead, I pull out David Sedaris’s new book and lose myself in his candor. I have almost forgotten I was meeting someone when I am approached. “Hey”.
It is now 4:40 and my coffee is gone so I let him buy me another and he disappears inside to get our drinks. No “sorry I’m late”. No “thank you for waiting”. Just “hey”. Hmmmmm. He returns and we walk along the shore line until we find an empty bench, no small task on this beautiful day. As soon as we sit down and start to chat my thigh finds a hand upon it. Are you kidding me? This is one ballsy youngster. I re-cross my legs to deter it and he just replaces his hand. Without looking at it or breaking my sentence I kindly remove his hand from my leg. My sister and I have spent many a commute making fun of guys in polos that have popped the collar. Now, I sit in conversation with a guy in a polo with a popped collar. It is driving me crazy. Also driving me crazy is how many times he refers to how much money he used to “make working on Wall Street”, before he was laid off, and how he can’t wait to not eat entrees under $20 anymore. Money this. Money that. Money, money, money. That is all he has to talk about. I have chosen to work in the arts, which means that even at the height of my career I won’t know what it means to have money. It doesn’t interest me. If he would talk to me about anything other than money, HE might interest me. But no.
I had told him earlier that I could meet in the afternoon but needed to head elsewhere at 6. Around 5:30 the minutes seem to drag on like hours. To my relief, a few minutes later he pats me on the leg as he stands and says “I don’t want to make you late.” But now he wants to walk me to the train. Okay. Once there, I thank him for the coffee and extend my hand as he leans in to possibly kiss me. I don’t know where he got that signal exactly, but he thought he did because he looked totally rejected when I didn’t reciprocate. Maybe other women, or girls, can be wooed with lateness and dollar signs, but not this one. I’ll keep my men grounded and thoughtful. Perhaps I have just gotten a bad sampling of men in their twenties, or perhaps I am right to stick with “the older man”.
Bonus Features:
* financially secure when he finds work again
As-Is Defaults:
*late
*seemingly shallow
*seemingly materialistic
*lacking passion, for anything other than money
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