Three Months....Times Two

The last time I wrote I spoke of the “three month curse”. And one night later all did NOT fall into blissful place. For the first time in my life I had a man to kiss and hold me on New Year’s Eve, and instead of it being wonderful it was suffocating. I was having doubts about everything. We didn’t even spend the night together. He dropped me off and sped away before I even got to my stoop. I was heartbroken and livid. Not long after, I called and we fought. Then we broke up.

The break up lasted all of 8 hours. We were on the phone until 6:00 in the morning at which point he’d had enough and hung up on me. I cried in a way that I only had a few times before. By noon my eyes were swollen nearly shut and I felt completely empty. Whether it was because I truly missed Scott or if it had to do with other reasons, such as future loneliness, I don’t know. I know for certain I wasn’t ready to never see his family again. By 5:00 on New Year’s Day we were both on our way to his dad’s house for dinner.

Another three months later? I have moved in. It officially happened two weeks ago when a stranger moved into my bedroom. I miss my apartment terribly. I spent years turning it into a home and just as I was about to purchase my first dining set I left it behind. I miss sleep. Undisturbed sleep. Scott snores. A LOT. Many nights I end up on the couch, but having someone to wake up to is, even if down the hall, a wonderful thing. The most wonderful thing is having my Siddy Cat with me and seeing how fast of friends he and Scott have become.

It’s not all perfect. Though Scott makes the bed every day he is a complete slob. Order completely eludes him. I was once this way but over the years I have discovered Pledge and filing folders and have never looked back. There are times that I feel like I am a nanny again. “I’ve asked you before. Will you please turn your socks right side out before putting them in the hamper?” Speaking of hamper “dirty clothes go IN the hamper, not on it.” “You’re chewing with your mouth open again.” “Is it really too difficult to pick your pile of used tissues up off the coffee table before you go to bed?” You get the idea and I am sure many of you are nodding in understanding.

There are also the times when I am standing at the stove (that had never even been turned on before my arrival) and he comes up and hugs me from behind. Or the times that I catch him watching me from the doorway. In the time that we have been together he has lightened up in a way that I never expected. My favorite being his “I love you” dance and the song he has been “writing” for me. It goes “I know a girl; her name is L; I really love her; ‘Cause her name is L”. Sondheim he is not, but it makes me smile and laugh every time.

We live together. We are adopting a dog. We spend Sundays with his family. All of these are things I have never had before. All of these are things I always imagined I would only do with the man I’m going to marry. I don’t know that this is “it” though. I find my mind wandering to “what might’ve been” s often, usually when I’m alone at night. The fact that I am with a man who will not accompany to theatre and arts events was actually one of my deal breakers. Not wanting kids was a deal breaker , also, and is still a very big red flag for me, even though I can’t have children of my own. There is a gray area, but the colors are too vibrant elsewhere to walk away, so instead I will continue forward.

I miss writing and I miss the thrill of meeting new people through dating. I asked and for some reason Scott is not Okay with me going out on dates with other men even if it strictly for research purposes. Damn. I totally would have done it! So if you can think of ways for me to continue writing this without completely invading Scott’s privacy I am open to suggestion!

Happy spring!